You Want to Know my Name
by U.A.HighAlumni
Summary: Phantom voices from the past haunt Dabi as the Hero Endeavor rises to the rank of Number One. Rated T for language, abuse, and violence. Disclaimer: I do not own My Hero Academia. Warning! Spoilers from the Manga!
1. Chapter 1

"Hey, Dabi, aren't you going to join in? You are in charge, we should know a little bit about you. Like your favorite food, or your real name...stuff like that."

Toga's whining voice sparked a flare of aggravation as it interrupted my research. Looking up I glare at her from across the room, where she's draped herself across a chair. The others in the Vanguard are seated in various other pieces of furniture, talking low enough I could drown them out with the plans and strategies flooding my mind. However, Togo found a way to barge in and scatter my thoughts. How...thoughtful of her. The empty aluminum can in his hand cracked under the strain he was putting it under. Scoffing at it, he tossed it to the side.

"I told you," I responded in a low voice. "Call me Dabi."

"Aw man," Toga complained. "Aren't we friends? You can tell us."

"Dabi," I repeat, an edge entering my tone.

She flops back, head hanging at an odd, painful looking angle. Satisfied that I won't be interrupted again, I look back down at my phone and the news feed I was reading. Damn her. I now had to pick up the pieces of my thought process and reconnect them. I reached the end of the article, scrolling past the suggested reports. One in particular catches my eye. My thumb hesitates over the icon, as my eyes narrow onto the headline.

 _Endeavor: Getting to Know Our New Number One._

If it hadn't been for the others in the room, I would have laughed. As if they could get to know that bastard. So stoic and strong in his interviews, almost to the point of intimidation. So unlike All had replaced a true hero with one so shallow and praiseworthy even the people were doubting him. If only they knew half of it.

It was late when I laid down that night, thoughts still weaving together, plans for the future. Shigaraki trusts me, to some extent, with the Vanguard's actions as long as they are in line with the League's goals.

 _Get up off your ass, Toya! Is this what you are going to be? A sniveling brat? How are you ever going to become the Number One Hero?_

I bolted upright, staring into the darkness. My teeth grind as I curse myself, laying back down. Phantom voices of the past. I'm pathetic. Reacting like a scared five-year-old again. Like I could be afraid of him anymore. I was stronger now. Stronger than he even dreamed I could be all those years ago. I was what he threw to the rubbish heap, just like he did with Mom, with my sister, and with my brother. He only had one masterpiece. Slowly, I drifted off to sleep, haunted by living ghosts.

* * *

Toya hit the ground, coughing as he tried to push himself upright in time. It was no use. A large hand hauled him to his feet, gripping the back of his shirt tightly. The collar choked him, and he pulled at it so he could breath.

"Get up off your ass, Toya! Is this what you are going to be? A sniveling brat? How are you ever going to become the Number One Hero?"

Too busy trying to breath, Toya didn't answer. He was suddenly dropped back to the ground, accompanied with a backhanded blow to his head. Ears ringing he sucked in deep breaths, trying to still his shaking.

Over him stood his dad, Enji Todoroki, the Number Two Hero in all of Japan. Ever since Toya's quirk had manifested three days ago, he had suddenly show interest in him. At first he had received a stern lecture on how he was going to become the Number One Hero, how he was no longer allowed to play with his older sister and his little brother. Then the training had began. He had to use his quirk, which had excited him at first. Then when the small blue flames began to hurt his skin, he wanted to stop. His dad had forbade him to stop. That night he soaked his hands in cold water, his mom taking care of the burns. She had demanded that his dad let him rest that morning, but in the afternoon his dad had come for him and had begun to teach him endurance and hand to hand combat. At first it had been fun, until his dad's blows had become harder when he didn't do it just right.

"Dad...I..." Toya coughed, pulling his knees to his chest.

"Don't speak to me," his dad spat, flames flaring angrily from his face. "If you want to talk stand up and try that again."

Toya looked up, his eyes wide. He didn't understand why his dad was so angry. Why he looked like that at him. Why he hurt him. Did he do something bad? Had he been naughty? Sometimes Grandmother spanked him when he was especially naughty. That hurt. Was it because he didn't do that move right? He wiped his eyes, trying not to cry. He had learned earlier that his dad did not like crying. He said it was weak. Whatever that meant, he didn't want Toya to be weak. Toya pushed himself to his feet, looking up fearfully into his dad's face. If he didn't want Toya to be weak, then he wasn't going to be.

"I'll do it right." Toya shuddered, crossing his arms like he had been instructed.

"Enji." a soft voice filtered into the room.

"What do you want?" His dad asked shortly, clearly irritated.

Toya looked over at the doorway. His mom leaned against the smooth wood, her face pale. Already her stomach was showing beneath her loose shirt, the tell-tale signs of a younger sibling in the making. She had been throwing up all morning. That scared Toya. He didn't quite remember it all but his sister Fuyumi did. Mom had lost two kids before the one she had now. Every times she had been sick, almost all day. He didn't know what that meant, but he did know it was scary for Mom.

"Dinner's ready." his mom ducked her head, her lips pressed together.

"We were finished for the day anyways," his dad said gruffly, stomping towards the door.

She ducked out of his path, before hurrying into the room, kneeling by Toya's side. She brushed his cheek, smoothing his bright red hair out of his eyes.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, tears gathering in her eyes. "I should be in here, helping you. Your dad, he's so rough. I never imagined he would be so with you. I am a terrible mom. Too sick to even help her own child."

Toya looked up at her, not understanding most of what she said. He didn't like the fact that she was upset. Her tears made him want to cry. Maybe girls were allowed to cry, and maybe he could cry when his dad wasn't around.

"My stomach hurts," He said. "Can you kiss it and make it better?"

She always kissed things and made them better. Everything was better when Mom kissed it. She smiled softly, pressing a kiss to her fingers and touching his stomach lightly since she couldn't bend over anymore. He hopped up onto his tip-toes and kissed her forehead.

"Does that make it better?" he asked, wondering if it would make her happy again.

"Yes," she smiled at him. "It does."

"Then let's eat, I'm hungry!" Toya took her hand, having already forgotten about the ache in his stomach. "A Number One Hero needs to eat!"

"Alright," his mom nodded, slowly getting to her feet.

Toya bounced by her side, all weariness having vanished at the thought of food. His dad was waiting at the end of the hall for them. He took Toya's hand, pulling him away from his mom.

"You eat with the others, Toya eats with me," he said sternly, flames flickering as always around his face.

"Why can't we eat together?" his mom asked.

"Because I said," his dad growled.

"It's only dinner," she protested.

Toya's eyes widened as his dad slapped his mom across the face, leaving a red streak across her street. She cried out softly, backing up a step. Toya whimpered as his dad drug him away from his mom.

"Toya is eating with me from now on, you will stay with the others," his dad shouted back at his mom.

Toya looked back as his dad dragged him down the hall. His mom was crying again. He looked up at his dad. Why had he hit mom? Had she done something bad? He didn't understand.

"I'll be there to tell you your bedtime story!" His mom called to him as they turned the corner. "Have a nice supper, Toya."

Toya followed his dad willingly to prevent being dragged all the way to his dad's room. When she came to tell him his bedtime story he would have his teeth brushed. It would make her happy that he had brushed his teeth without being reminded. Then he would kiss her cheek to make it all better. Because, a kiss made everything better.


	2. Chapter 2

_Can the Number Two Pro Hero Endeavor fill the hole left by the Number One Hero, All Might?_

I watched the tv and Shigaraki seeth as flashes of images rotating between All Might and Endeavor. I kept my usual nonchalant expression on my face, though my mind stirred like an angered colony of ants. That smug look on his face, as if he earned that right to be Number One. It made me want to throw up. Literally. I rubbed at the burned spots under my eyes. Instead of punching the wall, I grabbed a beer from Kurogiri, downing it quickly to banish the bitter taste of bile rising in my throat.

"So...the new Number One Hero is having trouble meeting public expectations," Shigaraki said, in his usual whining tone.

I tightened my grip around the bottle. Normally Shigaraki's voice only bothered me slightly, but right now it was grating on my nerves. This was the worst. Around the room the other members of the League were lounging in chairs or at the bar. It wasn't like I could leave without drawing attention.

"I think we should help him establish himself with the community, what do you think Kurogiri?" Shigaraki tilted his head, scratching at his neck.

I glared at the screen, trying to ignore Shigaraki by listening to the reporters jabber about Endeavor. Taking a swig, I gripped the bottle even harder. That didn't help any. All the reporters had was unworthy praise or empty sceptical remarks. At least I could barely hear Kurogiri's rumbling response. However, Shigaraki's voice broke through, which annoyed me even further.

"Kurogiri, see if you can pull up any dirt on the Number One," Shigaraki drug his words out carefully. "Surely such a brooding Hero will have some sort of interesting backstory."

There was a shattering sound as the beer bottle erupted. I look down, surprised to see the bottle in pieces before me. A sting, no worse than an ant bite came from a piece of glass stuck in his thumb. It wasn't deep, and was more annoying than painful. Shigaraki turned toward me, his eyes gleaming out from behind the hand over his face.

"Is Dabi angry?" Shigaraki narrowed his eyes.

I let out a string of curses for good measure, picking the piece of glass out of my thumb. A thin line of blood swirled red in the brown liquid spilling across the bar. Waste of a good beer.

"You want to have a go at the Number One?" Shigaraki asked, when I didn't answer him.

I narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, tossing the bloody glass piece onto the counter. Kurogiri warped the shards into the trash, leaving a clean bar after a quick wipe. Glaring at him, I said nothing for a moment.

"Yeah, I'd like a shot at this so-called hero," I replied after the pause. "Stain would find him unworthy of his position and tear him down, so I will do no less."

Shigaraki made a disgusted noise, one that I took deep pleasure in. It was my turn to bring up subjects that irritated our leader. Stain wasn't exactly Shigaraki's favorite subject.

"I'll give you your own personal Nomu," Shigaraki said after a moment. "Don't waste him, Dabi. I expect results."

"You'll get them," I huffed, getting up. "It's too late tonight, I'm going to bed."

"Grandpa," Toga giggled.

"Shut it," I growled through my teeth as I passed her.

I moved upstairs, collapsing onto his bed. Blue fire wrapped around my hand and I stared at it for several moments before extinguishing it. No one would be happy if I burned down the base of operations. A shot at Endeavor. A specialized Nomu. The thoughts made me want to smile, even laugh. Tomorrow would be exciting.

* * *

Toya snuck out of his room, his favorite fuzzy blanket wrapped around his head. Tiptoeing, he passed his dad's room, holding his breath. The door was open and he could see his dad stretched out on the sleeping mat. His lungs begged for air, but Toya didn't want his dad to wake up. He wanted to see Mom. Ever since she had the baby, she hadn't come to his training or played with him in the afternoon. He missed her, and he wanted to see the new baby.

His dad's snores hitched and Toya froze, wondering if he had made a sound. Eyes wide, he clasped his hands over his mouth, the seconds dragging by like hours. The snoring resumed and Toya dared glance into the room. It seemed his dad had just turned over. Resuming his mission he crept away, releasing his pent up breath in the hall where he was certain his dad couldn't hear him.

Quite sure now that he was safe, Toya picked up his pace, passing down the familiar halls to his mom's room. It had been so long since he had been down here. Maybe he would go see his sister, Fuyumi or his brother, Natsuo. But first, Mom. Her door was cracked open, a pale golden light shining through into the hall. Toya ran forward, nearly crashing inside her room. He stood inside, blinking in the light from the lamp.

"Toya." his mother looked up surprised.

Toya rubbed his eyes, approaching the mat. His mom sat up against pillows, a bundle tucked in her arms. She looked much smaller, but that was because the baby was out. Fuyumi had taught him this when their mother had Natsuo.

"What are you doing out of bed?" she asked gently, cradling the bundle in one arm and reaching out to him.

"I missed you," Toya answered, walking over to her, his blanket trailing behind him now.

"I missed you too," she smiled softly, a pang of guilt in her eyes. "I've been very busy."

Toya smiled sleepily, tumbling to the floor beside her. Leaning against her he looked curiously at the bundle in her arms.

"Is that the baby?" he asked, as his mom pulled the blanket around him.

"Yes it is," his mother replied gently. "Toya, meet your baby brother, Shouto."

She pulled back the blanket wrapping the baby and tilted him up a little so Toya could see. He was sleeping, his face sort of red and kinda scrunched up. To be honest, Toya thought he looked like he was mad, not sleeping. But something else caught his eye just as he was about to comment on this to his mom. The baby had different colored hair. Not like Fuyumi's hair which was white with red streaks. The baby's hair was white on one side like his mom's hair and red on the other like his dad's hair. That was funny.

"Why is his hair like that?" He asked, reaching out and brushing the soft baby hair.

His mother smiled, swiping a finger gently along the little locks of hair, "Well I think he couldn't pick which color so he decided to do both."

"That's silly," Toya laughed a little, then silenced.

Dad didn't like it when he laughed. He said it was childish and that Toya was going to be a hero so he needed to stop acting like a baby. Toya glanced over his shoulder, as if the infraction would bring his dad storming into the room.

"What's his name?" Toya asked, looking up at his mom.

"Shouto," she reminded him, running her fingers through his hair, frizzled by the blanket.

She was looking at him funny, like she was wondering why he had stopped laughing. Maybe it was okay for him to laugh with his mom. Just like it was okay that he talked with her, even though his dad didn't like it very much.

"Sho...u...to," Toya tried saying his little brother's name, but his tired tongue mixed it up.

His mother laughed softly, "You'll get it."

There. Mom laughed and she was a grown up. It must be alright to laugh with mom. Toya smiled, messing with Shouto's hand that was sticking out of the blanket. It was so tiny, even in his small hand. He liked having another baby brother. Maybe his dad would let him see Shouto more often than the others.

"Mom?" Toya looked up at her, blue eyes shining in the lamp light.

"Yes?" She brushed his cheek.

"Can I sleep with you and Shouto tonight?" Toya asked, pulling at his blanket. "I get lonely."

"Of course you can," she smiled. "There is an extra mat in the corner, you can bring it over here beside us."

Excited, Toya bounced over to the corner and retrieved the mat, tugging it close to his mom's mat and rolling it out. Taking one of her pillows, his mom laid it down, settling Toya down and pulling blanket over him. Happy to be with his mom again, Toya rooted around for several moments before finding a comfortable position.

"Goodnight, Toya," His mother said gently.

* * *

 **Thanks for all the lovely reviews! I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

**WARNING**

 **MANGA SPOILERS! IF YOU DO NOT WANT ANY SPOILERS GO AWAY NOW.**

* * *

I slammed my fists against the hardened wood of the water-stained post again and again. All I wanted to do was feel the pain, feel agony burning my skin away, anything but the pain inside. Anger welled inside, threatening to burst.

Damn him.

Damn him to the seventh level of hell.

He had somehow managed to kill the Nomu. He also gained the respect of the public, becoming the sort of hero they wanted to be Number One. He reminded me of that stupid Hero who got in the way. That damned Rabbit Hero showing up just before I could! It tore at me, threatening to rip me apart.

Then there was Hawks, the Number Two Hero turned informant for the League. Something didn't set right in the pit of my stomach. He was too eager, to eager to please. Something about the bird man didn't set right with me. But he was my source into the hero world. I would use him until I had no further use. If he turned on me beforehand, I had plans for the feathered bastard. I had heard somewhere that burning feathers smelled like hot vinegar, or pepper. I planned on discovering that for myself.

Looking down at my fists, I narrow my eyes, watching the blood drip from the torn skin. Blood, something about the sight calmed me and I wiggled my fingers, watching the ebb and flow. Anything to stop thinking about Endeavor, anything to banish the Sand Hero from my mind again, anything to get rid of the bitter taste of failed revenge.

Darkness fell around me as I started back for base, wrapping a cloth around my bleeding knuckles, enjoying the pain it caused. Recently, my mind had been going to dark places, places I never wanted to revisit. I'd dreamed the last few nights of what it had been, of what it could have been.

I thought I had gotten rid of wishful thinking.

Halfway back, I turned down a street, not ready to go back to the league and face Shigaraki. I wasn't scared of him, I just wasn't ready yet for his stream of whiny childish questions accompanied by the scratch, scratch of his fingernails against his skin. It drove me insane just to think about it.

Lamps flickered on as the darkness deepened. I was walking without purpose, trying to think of anything but what was threatening to flood my mind.

Why couldn't I get him out of my head? It had been years. Years since I left him behind in the rubble of my past. So why was he still there? Why did I feel like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar?

Why did his failed revenge feel like this? Like at any moment I expected Endeavor to walk around the corner and start beating me, adding a lecture in sync with the pounding of his fists. How I had failed and how I was weak. How I would never amount to anything. Unworthy of the Todoroki name. Unworthy to wear my father's face.

"So!" I shouted to the alleyway, devoid of life except for a yellow cat on the wall, which created a dead end. "Are you happy now! Look what I've become! I changed my face! I changed my name! I'm strong now! That must piss you off! I could have killed you today if I wanted to!"

I stopped, falling back against the wall, the cat having left the moment I started yelling. Running a hand through my hair I laugh at myself. The slight chuckles quickly turned into a gasping fit of laughter.

I fall apart the first time I've seen him face to face in years. How pathetic. I'm better than this. I can't let myself be influenced by him still. I was going to break free of him tonight, but then Forturne turned her back on me. Scoffing at myself I head back to the base.

"Where were you?" Shigaraki's voice greets me the moment I step into the room.

"Out," I give him the curtesy of a one-word answer.

"Explain things," he says, his voice dropping a few pitches.

I ignore him for the most part, walking behind the bar and searching for the good stuff. I could use a coma-like sleep tonight, away from the memories of yesterday. Also from the happenings of this afternoon.

"I said, explain things," Shigaraki tapped the bar impatiently. "Why don't you have my Nomu?"

"It wasn't your Nomu, it was mine, I did with it what I thought best," I replied, not in the mood for this.

"Why is Endeavor getting more support now?" Shigaraki scowled at me, apparently not impressed with my response.

"Because, they don't know what he's like," I replied, forgetting what I was saying until it was too late.

"And you do?"

I cursed a few times for good measure, blaming it on the lack of anything that sounded good. Grabbing a random bottle I glare at it. How did I let that happen? I had to deflate this before Shigaraki got suspicious.

"I don't," I chugged several mouthfuls of the sweet brown liquid. "I just think he's got something he's hiding. How can a supposed Hero be so happy? Plus, Stain hated him."

When in doubt, always mention Stain.

Shigaraki made a hissing noise, tugging at the ends of his hair. I forced myself not to smile, hiding any traces behind the bottle. Yes, that always worked.

"We'll figure things out in the morning," Shigaraki scratched as his neck. "I want a full report on what happened."

"Of course," I huffed, the sound blowing against the bottle.

Shigaraki left the room, leaving me alone with the liquor. Finally. I had plans for tonight. Drinking myself into a coma.

* * *

Toya felt like everything was spinning above him. His father's fist had come down rather hard on his head and his world had turned dark. The next thing he knew he was lying on the ground, the light shining painfully into his eyes. What had happened?

"Get up!"

Toya blinked sluggishly. Was that his dad? Oh yes, he had been training. Why were his ears ringing. It felt weird, he wanted it to stop. He was being lifted up, his dad pulling him to his feet. But his feet didn't want to move and his legs felt all wobbly.

"I want to lay down," Toya muttered.

"Stand up right now," his dad ordered.

He was let go, and instantly Toya slid to the floor again. His head hurt. His whole body hurt. Where was Mom? She always stopped the training in time for dinner. He was so hungry. Dad hadn't let him have lunch because he had burned a curtain with his quirk. Surely it was dinner time now. Or maybe bedtime. He felt sleepy.

Cold water splashed against him and he was now alert, the shock jolting him out of the trance he had fallen into. Toya looked up fearfully as his dad towered above him, the flames on his face making him look very scary. Like a monster.

"You are a constant disappointment," Endeavor shook his head, walking away.

Toya pushed himself up. Was training over? His dad had left the room, feet pounding against the floor and the door slamming shut behind him. Toya winced, pulling his knees to his chest and staring at the door. What had he done wrong? He had tried to do everything just right to make his dad happy. Why did he always mess things up?

Tears stung at his eyes but he quickly banished them. If his dad came back in, he would yell some more and there would be more punches. Toya touched the bruises on his arms and the one on his stomach. He didn't like the punches, they hurt worse than the occasional swats he had gotten before his dad started training him.

Where was Mom? She always made him feel better. There was always medicine or a kiss to make everything better. She was always with the baby now, and she didn't come and see him. Dad's training got worse and worse every day. She always tried to protect him from the punches. She knew he was still training. Why didn't she come save him?

Toya stood up, his stomach growling as he opened the door cautiously and headed for the room where he and his dad ate dinner. He was very hungry and wondered what the cook had fixed for them tonight. Smells of freshly cooked fish, rice, and steamed vegetable met his nose and he hurried on into the room. His dad sat at the table, eating his dinner with am annoyed look on his face. Toya grinned excitedly, but noticed there was no place set for him at the table.

"No dinner tonight, you failed again," his dad said sternly, not even looking up from his meal. "Go to your room."

Stricken, Toya stared at his dad, as if not sure what was going on. He was so hungry, surely his dad would let him eat. Everything smelled so good. He couldn't even move to leave.

"But…" He began looking wistfully at the fish.

"I said, go away!" His dad's fire burned brighter and a cup of tea was hurled at Toya.

Gasping, Toya ducked, the cup shattering against the door frame. Hot drops of tea ran down the back of his neck and soaked into his clothes. Crying out he ran out of the room, running for his room. Laying down on his mat, he didn't even bother to change into his bedtime clothes, huddling in the warmth of the blanket and trying to ignore the stings from where the hot liquid had burned him. His stomach clenched and rumbled noisily. Though it seemed like forever, Toya finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

 **Thanks for the review! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**


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